Unconditional service is selfless action taken by an individual or group for the benefit of others, motivated by a heartfelt desire to enrich the world.
When we give unconditional service, we work for the benefit of others without wanting anything in return.
In contrast, conditional or reciprocal service is encapsulated in the phrase “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”. If you do a favour for me, I now owe you a favour. There is a debt, and it must be repaid if relations are to remain cordial.
This is not service. It’s trading favours, an unspoken – and sometimes explicit – deal, a quid pro quo arrangement.
Unconditional service comes from the heart. It doesn’t make sense to the rational mind, the source of conditional, reciprocal service. But when we practice unconditional service in faith, real-world feedback and in-the-body experience let us know we are making the right choice.“In professional relationships, I find that most people follow the norm of reciprocity: when we do someone a favor, we expect an equal one back.
In friendships, the norm shifts from reciprocity to generosity. We focus on what our friends need, not what we can get back from them. Instead of keeping tallies of credits and debts, friends give whenever they can.”
Source: You’re Not My Friend, by Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, and the author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success.
‘Paying it forward’ may seem a more enlightened approach, but the word paying exposes its underlying transactional nature.
“Pay it forward is an expression for describing the beneficiary of a good deed repaying it to others instead of to the original benefactor. The concept is old, but the phrase may have been coined by Lily Hardy Hammond in her 1916 book In the Garden of Delight: ‘You don’t pay love back; you pay it forward.’”
Source: Wikipedia—Pay it forward.
Sometimes altruism and generosity are the wrong call
When I’m at the pub and I buy someone a drink, it’s unconditional and I don’t expect to be bought one in return.
But it’s not always the right thing to do.
The other person may for example:
- Think it’s weird and feel awkward.
- Feel there will be a debt.
- Think I have an ulterior motive.
- Think I’m playing the big shot.
- Feel there’s a power imbalance.
- Be part of a group where people are taking turns to buy a round.
To have situational awareness.
To respect local customs.
And to be flexible.
More quotes
“The real joy of daily work is in what we have to give. We are not fulfilled by what we can seek to please us, but what we can build and offer. It is not fame, or money, or recognition that makes for a thoroughly meaningful life, it is how we put our gifts to use. It is how we give.”
Source: You’re Not Meant To Do What You Love. You’re Meant To Do What You’re Good At. By Brianna Wiest, founder of Soul Anatomy.
Nothing liberates our greatness like the desire to help, the desire to serve.
Marianne Williamson
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